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最新讲座的海报、录像和PPT |
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姒玉明 柯维书里列举的第一个习惯是Be Proactive，就是平静、负责任、有建设性、变消极为积极的应对。它由四个要素构成──自我意识、想象力、良心和独立意志，是七个习惯里至关重要的一个。据作者所言，这一概念成型于某个假期在一本书里读到的这段话：在一个外来的刺激和由此而做出的反应之间，存在一个空间。在此空间中，有我们做出应对的权力。我们的成长和自由都体现在这样的应对之中。(Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.)这如同点金术一样的真知灼见，来自奥地利维也纳大学医学院神经学(Neurology)和精神医学(Psychiatrist)教授，维克多·弗兰克(Victor Frankl)著的《活出意义来》(Man's Search For Meaning)。 那是一本只有三、四万字的奇书，初版于一九四六年。迄今为止，已被翻译成二十多种语言，重印几十次，印数一千多万册。在一九九二年版的序言当中，维克多告诉读者。德国入侵奥地利不久，他就得到了移民美国的签证，双亲都为他能离开奥地利而高兴。但他却突然犹豫了。他想：“难道就这样撇下父母不管，让他们独自面对被送进集中营的命运吗？我的责任在哪里呢？我是否应该移民到那片肥沃的土地，养育我头脑中的孩子──《意义治疗法》的撰写？或者我应当尽孝子的义务，保护我的双亲呢？”他进退维谷，难以取舍，希望有从天堂来的暗示。 一天，他在他们家的桌上看到一块大理石碎片，问他父亲是怎么回事。父亲告诉他说：“纳粹烧毁了维也纳最大的礼拜堂，那个碎片是从雕有《十诫》的匾上掉下来的。”碎片上有一些金色的希伯来文字，他父亲说是《十诫》(参见《出埃及记》20:3-17)之一。弗兰克热切地问：“是(《十诫》)哪一条？”父亲回答：“当孝敬父母，使你的日子，在耶和华你神所赐你的地上，得以长久。”弗兰克当即决定，留在那片养育过自己的土地上陪伴父母，任随赴美的签证过期作废。 不久，像其他犹太人一样，弗兰克全家也被纳粹逮捕，送进了集中营。父母、妻子和哥哥都相继被夺去了生命，他是饱受摧残，渡尽劫波后的少数幸存者之一。在被剥夺了一切，“除了寒伧可笑的一身之外，别无余物可供丧失”的境况下，他居然有如此不同寻常的领悟：“人所拥有的任何东西，都可以被剥夺，惟独人性最后的自由，也就是在任何境遇中选择应对态度和生活方式的自由，无法被剥夺。”(Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.) 就是说，人类终极的自由不受外部环境的左右，而取决于内在的意志和精神。他认为人活着，就要追寻生的意义；处患难，当找到受苦的价值；归西天，也要死得其所。一句话，就是要活出意义来。因此，即使赤身露体，独处囚室的时候，他不是被眼前的苦难所困扰，而是一边想着那才是把自己人生中学到的思维方式付诸实践的时机，一边憧憬着将来在讲坛上慷慨陈辞，侃侃而谈集中营心理学、意义治疗法；在命悬一线、生死未卜的时候，他和同胞们共勉，要让昔日的光辉照耀现今的黑暗；即使走向毒气室，仍然还有自由作出选择──究竟是怯弱、卑微、颓废地死去，还是大义凛然、视死如归。他选择后者，是因为相信亲人们在看着他，想象着他们在精神世界中对话，他要展现出生命的坚忍与尊贵，让所爱的人为自己的行为和选择而感到自豪和欣慰。 这种身临绝境，还能大彻大悟的思想境界，给人以醍醐灌顶之感，令一些绝望无助的人获得自救的能力，从患难中解脱出来。书里记载了他出狱后怎样帮助一位遭遇丧偶之痛，到他诊所寻求帮助的老人。数十年间，两老口一直非常相爱，但老伴儿不幸两年前去世了。他无法面对现实，长期处在痛苦与绝望之中。弗兰克显然不能让他的老伴起死回生，但又有什么妙方能解除他的痛苦呢？ 一天，当老人又神情沮丧地来到他的诊所时，弗兰克问他：“博士，假设是你在太太之前驾鹤西归，她会怎样？”“天啦，这对她来说，太可怕了。无法想像她将会如何面对。”老人脱口而出。弗兰克紧跟其后：“所以，博士，你现在所受的苦正是对她的解脱。确切地说，阁下目前经历的苦痛就是为纪念和救助她所必须付的代价。”弗兰克智慧的火花点燃了他的心灯，驱散了腹内的阴霾。老人顿时就豁然开朗，皱眉舒展，紧握弗兰克的手，一言未发，欣然离去。 这个简短的故事，明白无误地表明，自身的处境、心情和感受，都取决于内心抉择的结果。正是这种不可剥夺的、内在的精神自由，使得生命充满意义并有其目的，不由得令人掩卷沉思。许多时候，我们都像上面那位博士一样，缺乏思维转换的洞见。比如受到伤害的时候，往往会选择针锋相对、拔剑而起；遭遇失败、失业的时候，免不了怨天尤人、心怀不平。这些选择都不是Be Proactive，而是受制于人，被控于事，因为我们放弃了主动选择的自由与尊严，成了境遇的俘虏，而非自我的主人。回想自己走过的路，在某种程度上来说，不得不承认，曾经所受的束缚不是专业、不是老板、不是制度、也不是文化，而是自己的群体意识、僵化的思维和狭隘的视野。要是没有观念的转换，不冲破思想的牢笼，就无法带来生命的改变。 为了更进一步帮助读者领略Be Proactive习惯的真髓，柯维还引用了埃莉诺·罗斯福(Eleanor Roosevelt，前美国总统罗斯福夫人)和圣雄甘地(Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi)的名言。分别是：没有人能伤害你，除非你同意(No one can hurt you without your consent)；除非拱手相让，他们无法夺走我们的自尊(They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them)。从另外一个角度来说，我们如果觉得受到了伤害，那也是自己被动造成的。 弗兰克、埃莉诺·罗斯福、圣雄甘地等智者的金玉良言，让人看到善用人的自由意志，所带出来的截然不同的效果。如果弗兰克当初在集中营里选择聚众造反、暴动越狱，其结果可能是死得悲壮，或侥幸成功。然而，就算出了集中营，但无法逃出另一个更大的监狱──人类自身的思想、意念，尤其是那些从小就被灌输、强化、巩固的意识形态。一些记载说，有不少集中营的幸存者在被联军解救出狱后，因为不能面对失去家园和亲人的痛苦，而选择了轻生。可以认为，人能抗得过外界的压力，但不一定能胜得了内心的挣扎。如果圣雄甘地在强大的英国殖民统治下，选择了同仇敌忾、以暴制暴，就算以此取得了独立，但也可能为新的政权埋下仇恨与暴力的种子，等于是为自己的江山培养了掘墓人。因为他认为手段的不纯洁，必然导致目的的不纯洁。 对于崇尚以眼还眼、以牙还牙等武装斗争哲学的人来说，他们的选择显然不易被接受，甚至可能被认为是妥协退让、愚昧之举、懦夫所为。然而，真正的勇士不是为打击对方，招致冤冤相报、代代操戈而战，而是为人心的改变同自己征战。他们用超凡的忍耐、良善、温柔、自律和理性，与人内心深处的苦毒、恼恨、怒气、嚷闹、毁谤、仇恨等作战。目的是要治服己心，做自己意志和灵魂的主人，既不屈服，也不退缩，用无畏的信心和灵性力量，以善胜恶，成为命运的主宰。 
Be Proactive By Yuming Si In the early spring of 2005, several families living in the suburbs of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA, formed a self-education reading group out of a desire to build harmonious families. The purpose was to awaken self-awareness, broaden the boundaries of thinking, and transform themselves from the inside out. The first book recommended by the group initiators, Chen Yusong and Zhang Wenping, was The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. After reading the preface, summary, and the first habit, I couldn’t help but call Chen Yusong to share my thoughts. At the time, I was filled with confidence and firmly believed that we were doing something truly meaningful, perhaps even extraordinary. This book wasn’t selling so-called golden rules for success, management secrets, or leadership shortcuts. Instead, it focused on cultivating personal character and adhering to principles. In interpersonal relationships, corporate management, or business operations, taking shortcuts often leads to failure. To overcome people's impatience and restlessness, a deep internal transformation is necessary—a battle of ideas, a struggle over direction. Only by changing oneself first can a person truly influence others and their environment, achieving both immediate and lasting results. The first habit Covey outlines is "Be Proactive," which means responding calmly, responsibly, constructively, and turning passivity into initiative. It consists of four key elements: self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will. According to the author, this concept was inspired by a passage he read during a vacation: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." This profound insight, akin to the philosopher's stone, comes from Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, a professor of neurology and psychiatry at the University of Vienna Medical School. Frankl's book, only 30,000 to 40,000 words long, was first published in 1946. To date, it has been translated into more than 20 languages, reprinted dozens of times, and sold over 10 million copies. In the preface of the 1992 edition, Frankl recounts how, shortly after Germany invaded Austria, he received a visa to immigrate to the United States. His parents were delighted that he could leave Austria. But he hesitated. He thought, "Should I leave my parents behind to face the fate of being sent to a concentration camp alone? Where does my responsibility lie? Should I go to the land of opportunity and nurture the child in my mind—the book on logotherapy? Or should I fulfill my duty as a son and stay to protect my parents?" He was torn and hoped for a sign from heaven. One day, he saw a piece of marble on the table at home and asked his father about it. His father explained, "The Nazis burned down the largest synagogue in Vienna. This fragment fell from a tablet inscribed with the Ten Commandments." The fragment bore some golden Hebrew letters, which his father said represented one of the commandments (see Exodus 20:3–17). Frankl eagerly asked, "Which one?" His father replied, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Frankl immediately decided to stay and accompany his parents in their homeland, even letting his U.S. visa expire. Soon after, like other Jews, Frankl's entire family was arrested by the Nazis and sent to concentration camps. His parents, wife, and brother were all killed, and he, after enduring unimaginable suffering, became one of the few survivors. In a situation where everything had been stripped away and nothing remained but a "ridiculously naked existence," he gained this extraordinary insight: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." In other words, the ultimate human freedom is not dictated by external circumstances, but by inner will and spirit. Frankl believed that one must seek the meaning of life while alive, find value in suffering during hardship, and face death with dignity when the time comes. In short, one must live a life of meaning. Therefore, even when naked and alone in a prison cell, he wasn’t overwhelmed by suffering but viewed it as the perfect opportunity to put his philosophy into practice. He envisioned himself one day speaking powerfully on stage about the psychology of concentration camps and logotherapy. Even when facing death, he encouraged his fellow prisoners to let the light of past joys shine into the present darkness. And even on the path to the gas chamber, he still retained the freedom to choose—whether to die in fear and despair or with courage and peace. He chose the latter, believing his loved ones were watching, imagining a spiritual dialogue with them, and striving to show the strength and dignity of life, so they would be proud of his choices. This profound mental state, achieved in the depths of despair, offers an awakening like cold water to the head and gives hopeless people the strength to save themselves. The book recounts how Frankl, after being released, helped an elderly man devastated by the loss of his wife. The couple had shared decades of deep love, but his wife had passed away two years prior. Unable to cope, the man lived in sorrow and despair. Frankl couldn’t bring the wife back, but how could he relieve the old man's pain? One day, when the man visited the clinic again, Frankl asked, "Doctor, suppose you had died before your wife. How would she have coped?" "Oh, it would have been unbearable for her! I can't imagine how she could have managed," the man replied. Frankl continued, "So, doctor, the pain you are experiencing now is the price you have paid to spare her that suffering. In essence, your suffering is a sacrifice made out of love for her." The man's eyes lit up as if a candle had been ignited in his heart. He smiled, clasped Frankl's hand, and left in peace. This short story clearly illustrates that our circumstances, emotions, and feelings are the result of inner choices. It is this unshakable inner freedom that gives life its meaning and purpose. Many times, we are just like that old doctor—lacking the insight to reframe our thinking. For example, when hurt, we tend to retaliate; when facing failure or job loss, we blame others or the world. These are not proactive choices, but reactions controlled by circumstances and people. We give up the freedom and dignity to choose and become prisoners of our environment rather than masters of ourselves. Looking back, I must admit that the constraints I once felt did not come from my profession, boss, system, or culture, but from groupthink, rigid thinking, and narrow vision. Without a shift in mindset, there can be no transformation in life. To help readers better grasp the essence of the Be Proactive habit, Covey also cites quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi: "No one can hurt you without your consent" and "They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them." In other words, if we feel hurt, it is because we have allowed it. The wise words of Frankl, Roosevelt, and Gandhi show the vastly different outcomes that result from exercising human free will. If Frankl had chosen to rebel or escape during his time in the camps, he might have died heroically or escaped by luck. But even if he had escaped, he might still have been imprisoned in a larger cage—that of the human mind, shaped by ideologies instilled since childhood. Some records show that many survivors of the camps, once freed by Allied forces, could not bear the loss of their families and took their own lives. It proves that while humans can withstand external pressure, they may not survive inner torment. If Gandhi had chosen violence against British colonial rule, even if independence had been won, it might have planted seeds of hatred and violence for future generations. As he believed, impure means lead to impure ends. To those who believe in an eye for an eye, the choices of Gandhi and Frankl may seem weak, naïve, or cowardly. But true courage lies not in revenge or endless cycles of violence, but in the battle within. These brave individuals fight against inner bitterness, anger, resentment, and hatred using patience, kindness, gentleness, self-discipline, and reason. Their goal is to master their own hearts, to rule their will and soul, never to surrender or retreat. With fearless faith and spiritual strength, they overcome evil with good and become masters of their fate. © 2012-2023 by Yuming Si. All Rights Reserved. Contact: info@holisticedu.us |